There is so much about IVF that nobody sees.
Most people know about the injections. The scans. The appointments. Probably the egg retrievals and transfers too.
But when we think back on our own years of IVF, some of the hardest parts were the things happening quietly in the background.
The waiting. The Googling at 2am. The dates we calculated in our heads and never told anyone about. Watching other people’s lives move forward while ours seemed to revolve around treatment.
That’s why we’re starting Invisible IVF.
A series about the parts of fertility treatment that aren’t always visible from the outside, but can take up an enormous amount of space when you’re the one living through them.
And we wanted to start with hope.
What Is Hope?
At the beginning of IVF, hope can feel simple.
It’s the belief that this treatment will work. For both of us, starting IVF felt like a step forward. We genuinely thought it would happen quite quickly.
Maybe this treatment.
Maybe this embryo.
Maybe this transfer.
But slowly, those hopes were chipped away.
Maybe the next treatment.
Maybe the next embryo.
Maybe next time.
And after enough disappointment, hope starts to change.
When Hope Isn’t The Light, Lovely Thing People Imagine
We still desperately wanted to believe IVF could work.
But allowing ourselves to believe also meant opening ourselves up to being hurt again.
We’d imagine the due date. Think about what month the baby might arrive. Wonder whether this embryo could finally be the one.
And then that little voice would appear:
Don’t get ahead of yourself.
That push and pull became such a familiar part of IVF – wanting something with everything you have, while simultaneously trying to protect yourself from wanting it too much.
Sometimes Protecting Yourself Looks Like Loosing Hope
One thing we wish we’d understood earlier is that hope doesn’t always look like believing this is going to work.
Sometimes hope is much quieter than that.
It’s taking the next injection.
Turning up for another scan.
Going through another egg retrieval.
Asking another question.
Getting through another wait.
Or simply making it through a day without thinking about IVF for a few hours.
If Hope Feels Heavy Today
We aren’t going to tell you to stay positive.
We’ve been on the receiving end of those words too.
If hope feels complicated – or simply too heavy to carry today – we understand.
Put it down for a while.
It’ll still be there when you’re ready to pick it back up.
We’ve carried it too.
Invisible IVF is our series about the parts of fertility treatment that often go unseen — the thoughts, losses, hopes and small moments you carry quietly while life around you carries on as normal.
