When we were going through IVF, we were surprised about how much of the journey is made up of waiting.
Waiting for appointments.
Waiting for scans.
Waiting for results.
Waiting to know what happens next.
While the treatment often comes with a plan and a sense of forward movement, the waiting in between can feel very different – unstructured, unsettling, and emotionally demanding in ways that are hard to explain unless you’ve lived it.
For us, the waiting never felt calm or neutral. It carried an urgency, restlessness, and a constant sense of anticipation. At times, it felt harder than the treatment itself.
If you’re in one of those in-between phases right now – feeling distracted, emotionally stretched, or unable to fully settle – then please know you are not alone in this. This post is for you.
Why Waiting During IVF Feels Intense
Waiting during IVF isn’t a quiet pause. Even when nothing appears to be happening on the outside, there’s a lot happening internally.
Our minds were constantly working – replaying conversations with doctors, anticipating outcomes, scanning our bodies for signs, and trying to prepare ourselves for whatever might come next. The uncertainty made it hard to relax into everyday life.
Waiting often brought up everything that sat outside of our control:
- anxiety about upcoming results
- fear around delays or lost time
- worry about menstrual cycles being “off” or bodies not cooperating
- pressure to stay hopeful while quietly bracing for disappointment
- a sense of being suspended between different possible outcomes
Without a clear timeline, even small plans began to feel complicated. Being present wasn’t easy when so much depended on what hadn’t happened yet.
Over time, we also noticed how much this constant mental holding showed up physically – as tension, fatigue, and a sense that our systems were never fully switching off.
When Awareness Turns Into Emotional Overload
As our IVF journeys progressed, the waiting stretched on, and we became more aware of just how much space it was taking up.
We found ourselves revisiting past decisions, questioning whether we’d done enough, or wondering if we should be approaching things differently. Even when we tried to distract ourselves, there it was, the waiting “sitting” quietly in the background.
The waiting then started to spill into the night – our minds working overtime, busy thoughts, lighter sleep, or waking already tired, even when nothing new had happened that day.
Sometimes the emotional load would show up as worry or restlessness. Other times it looked like irritability, exhaustion, or a growing sense of quiet numbness. It was just steadily draining.
How Waiting Quietly Shapes Daily Life
One thing we didn’t fully expect was how much the waiting would shape our day-to-day lives.
Plans sometimes felt tentative. Social energy started fluctuating. Explaining how we were feeling sometimes felt harder than staying quiet.
It wasn’t about withdrawing from the people we cared about – it was about protecting energy that was already limited emotionally. When your mind already feels full, even well-meaning check-ins can feel like too much at times.
From the outside, our lives often appeared unchanged. Internally, there was a lot being carried.
What Helped Us Cope - Imperfectly and Over Time
Let’s be honest, there was no single approach that suddenly made the waiting easier – we really wish we could say there was.
Some days felt manageable. Others less so. What helped most was letting go of the idea that we needed to cope in a consistent or “right” way.
Over time, we tried different ways of getting through the waiting. We couldn’t fix it, but sometimes doing something felt easier than sitting in complete uncertainty.
At certain points in our journeys, we both chose to move through back-to-back IVF stimulation cycles. It was hard physically and emotionally but the waiting for progress felt unbearable. It gave us a sense of momentum when the waiting felt too heavy.
At other times, the most helpful thing was allowing whatever showed up – sadness, anger, anxiety, or numbness – without trying to fix it or move past it too quickly.
Simple routines started to matter more than we expected, especially ones that helped our nervous systems feel a little more settled. A quiet coffee, a short walk, a familiar podcast, or enjoying a favourite meal gave our days some structure when everything else felt uncertain.
We also stepped back from social plans when we needed to. Missing weddings, milestone birthdays, or dinners was hard, but protecting our emotional energy felt necessary, even though it sometimes was misunderstood.
Creating small moments of connection helped. Booking something simple and familiar – a meal out, a cinema trip, a date night – reminded us that IVF wasn’t the only part of our lives, and didn’t define us, even if only briefly.
There were moments when short mindfulness audios or gentle meditations helped to give us a few minutes of quiet when thoughts felt loud or relentless.
Over time, we also learned how important it was to find people and spaces where we could just be, where we didn’t have to explain ourselves. And just as importantly, we learned that it was also okay when none of these things helped. Some days, simply getting through the day was enough.
Accepting That Coping isn’t Linear
One of the most important things we learned is that coping during IVF waiting doesn’t follow a straight line.
What feels supportive one week may feel unhelpful the next. That doesn’t mean you’re going backwards – it reflects how demanding and unpredictable this phase can be.
Sometimes coping looks like staying engaged with life. Sometimes it looks like pulling back and conserving energy. Both can be appropriate at different times.
Final Thoughts - A Gentler Way to Think About Waiting
Looking back, we can see that waiting asked us to live with uncertainty in a way we hadn’t experienced before.
The steadiness we speak with now wasn’t present at the start. It developed slowly over time through emotional fatigue, and learning when to soften rather than push.
If you’re still in the middle of it, know this:
You don’t need to make the waiting meaningful.
You don’t need to feel grateful for it.
You don’t need to manage it perfectly.
Waiting during IVF is something to be supported through.
And when you’re navigating a deeply uncertain space, one day at a time, with whatever steadiness you can find – that is already enough.
